Snowflakes Falling

(written Thursday, January 7, 2010)

I received a phone call from my children's school yesterday informing me that there would be no school for today due to impending weather. Anticipation for snow was high, and my kids were beside themselves ecstatic that they wouldn't have to go to school. And on top of that great news, there would be snow, too! What a wonderful day for an eight and a ten year old! The snow wasn't to come until around noon, so the boys got up and had some doughnuts for breakfast (the day's going great so far) and still in their pajamas, I started reading their daily bible reading to them. We were all snuggled up on the couch in the family room with the big window when Brody said, "It's snowing!" We watched the flakes fall for a few minutes before we couldn't stand it anymore. We stuck on some shoes and walked out onto the deck. The boys started trying to catch snowflakes on their tongue, and I snapped a few pictures. Then we went back inside to finish our bible reading and watch the snow fall as we read. Brooks said, "Something about reading the bible and watching snow fall just goes together." I agreed. The snow looked almost heavenly gently falling on our Alabama winter.

But then, the snow stopped falling, and none of it was sticking. And I thought, "Nothing happens like we expect it to; does it, God?" So much anticipation, so much to look forward to... The boys had wanted to make a snow angel in the snow. They talked of how they would build a snowman. But then, just as quickly as the snow was given to us, it was taken away. The boys put on their clothes and their coats anyway and went out hoping that the snow would start again, and it did in spurts throughout the day, but there would be no "blanket of snow" that Brooks kept asking about. "When will there be a blanket of snow?" he would say. I didn't know. I thought maybe by nightfall, but it never came. We had expected to spend our day playing in the snow, and it didn't happen. But we did have that wonderful moment with the snow when we were all snuggled up on the couch together reading and watching out the window as the little white flakes fell. The joy was short lived, but it was wonderful while it lasted. We know it will come again, but we don't know when.

Even after the snow was taken away though, the day went pleasantly enough. Yes, the boys were disappointed that the snow didn't "blanket" the ground, but they did get out of school. And they did go outside and play. And I had taken a few great photos of my boys. And I said, "God, thank you for the snow today, and thank you for my babies, each one of them. I still have my first two, Brooks and Brody, but you have my Bronner. He did bring us so much joy even if for just a little while. And we know we'll get him back soon, we just don't know how soon."

I have been surprised at how joyful my boys have been even after such tragedy in their lives. I've been surprised by my own joy and excitement from time to time these past two years without my little one. Life is full of surprises. Some good. Some bad. But our family clings to the good, the hope, and we have faith to believe that all of this is working together for good. We trust God, not only with Bronner in heaven, but with our own lives. We believe that God is good and that He loves us with an everlasting love. Knowing that Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior will come again and set things right some day gives us the courage we need to endure this life, to persevere, and to press on even as the pangs of Sheol encompass us. We know that heaven is waiting for us, and so we wait for it. And in the meantime, we are finding some joy even in this imperfect world and in our imperfect lives. We have learned the hard way that this world isn't heaven. Not yet anyway...