Well, it’s happened. The question. After countless interviews over the past two months, a radio host in Orlando, Florida asked me to tell his listeners the importance of “being on top of things” from the standpoint of water safety. It’s understandable given the fact that Florida has more drownings than any other state. I’m not upset. I’m glad it happened because it gave me and gives me the opportunity to say that we are most definitely NOT on top of things.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)
We aren’t in control of anything.
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21)
Life and death are in God’s hands. It’s man’s pride that tells him he can depend on himself to keep everyone safe, to provide, to do anything at all. But God says, “Apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
That’s the whole point. That was the lesson. God is omnipotent, having all authority in Heaven and on earth. He gave Bronner. He took Bronner. But I will see him again. And I will stand in the presence of God and give account for what I did with it.
Have I grown weary?
Have I wished to be done with this world?
Have there been days when I felt completely and utterly alone?
But God, changes things.
He reminds me that His mercies are new every morning. He reminds me that He is my portion and that I can hope in Him.
Like Jeremiah, I lament over my sorrows. I throw pity parties. I cry.
And when I cry, I cry to God.
And He is there.
He is there.
He tells me to trust Him in all things, that He is making all things new, and that one day, death shall be no more.
And I love Him for it. I love my God greater, better, deeper, and higher than I ever did before my suffering.
And I have suffered. I have suffered much.
But God was there for me in my suffering.
He touched me with His presence. He made Himself known to me, so that I may delight in Him the way I delighted in Bronner. He fills me up to overflowing with His peace, His love, and even His joy.
He has shown me that He is beautiful and kind and good and faithful.
He tells me that everything is going to be OK.
He tells me He loves me.
He shows me how much He cares.
He teaches me that my suffering is like His suffering.
I know what it’s like to lose a child, so if I love my God, I don’t want that for Him. I see clearly that He is using Rick and Bronner and me to bring some of His children home to Himself, to make us see the good in the midst of the trials of life and the great tests of faith behind them, and to trust Him with all of it.
And I do trust Him. I trust Him because I know He is good and because I know He loves me and because I know that this is about eternity.
And it’s eternity that I’m in this for. So I willingly suffer for His name’s sake because I have learned to have compassion on the One who is the author of compassion, the author of life, the One who holds my life, my heart, and my baby in His hands... forever.